


Anguished Reflections

by Red Charade (traciller)



Series: Reflections [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Foul Language, Gore, Some Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 16:03:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3387869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traciller/pseuds/Red%20Charade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji reflects on the situation at hand and his feelings toward Hiyori during the events involving Hiyori in manga chapters 377 - 383, and episode 285 (possibly also 286) of the anime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anguished Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: For manga chapters 377 - 383, and episode 285 (possibly reaching into 286) of the anime.

Hirako Shinji couldn't believe what he'd just seen, what had just happened. Why couldn't that damn girl just listen to him?!

Because...she was hotheaded and stubborn and that was part of the reason he cared for her so much, loved her so much. Even if he'd never said so.

Still, he couldn't help mentally berating her for her disobedience. This one, this one damn time! Why couldn't she listen?? She had to let Aizen goad her. She had to let his words get to her. Naturally, they got to everyone...even himself. He could tell. Aizen had been able to tell. That was why he kept it up. But, she was the only one to attack. She was the only one to lose enough self-control to charge in full throttle without any real plan, without expecting the sneak attack. And then that damn, dirty Ichimaru Gin had to take advantage of that.

That damn, dirty sneak. And fuck Aizen, too! He was the one that couldn't fight his own battles. Alright, that was only half true. He could, he just chose not to. The bastard. He was sure Aizen was getting off on this. He couldn't help it, though.

He couldn't hide his anguish over what happened. Calling out to her and catching her, he easily got them down onto a rooftop. What could he do? He couldn't let her fall. And he didn't want to believe what he'd seen was really as fatal as it looked.

But, for Hiyori to fall that way...it couldn't just be a flesh wound. And when he looked down at her, in his arms, bleeding and weak as she tried to speak to him, he knew that no amount of denial was going to make this wound any less fatal than it was.

“...I'm...sorry...Shinji..I...was impatient...” she said to him, an attempt to sound nonchalant while at the same time conveying that she knew how royally she'd screwed up. She wasn't one to usually apologize. She knew what she'd done to herself and to him. Her voice sounded as if she was trying to make it sound stronger than it was. That was likely exactly what she was doing.

And Shinji couldn't help it when the tears came, and he didn't try to stop their flow down his cheeks. Why should he? How could he?? Besides...Hiyori deserved to know that she meant so much to him that he would cry over her.

He called for Hacchi, but unfortunately there was nothing the gentle giant could do for her. He couldn't help but curse Ichigo, to call for him and ask what was taking him so long. Shinji didn't know what was going on in Heuco Mundo right now, and he didn't care. Nothing could be as important as coming back here to save Hiyori!

He looked down at her again, not even trying to stop the tears. He loved her so much and he felt that he hadn't been able to protect her. He should've sped off after her when she took off, he should've went over to her when he realized she was becoming hard to control. He knew that sort of look on her, he knew that simple stern orders weren't going to be enough. They never were!! He just never imagined.....but he should've imagined. He should've known! He should've stopped it! Or at least, taken her place...

Her body was so mangled...from the waist down...nothing...It made him sick to his stomach and to his heart and he forced himself not to look. Instead, he concentrated on Hiyori's face. She didn't deserve this. Damn that Aizen. Damn that fucking Ichimaru.

As he watched blood trickle from her mouth, he realized he really never had told her how he felt about her. Never let on, never showed her. It was just the way they communicated, they argued, they fought, they made fun of each other, she abused him and he took it. They insulted each other. They acted like brother and sister, but he wanted so much more.

Those little cracks he took at her, he hadn't meant them. Alluding to her flat chest at times, when she wasn't flat-chested at all. Small-breasted, but not flat-chested. He liked her breasts. But, that line of thinking was far, far from his mind right now.

All he could see, all he could think of, all he could hear in his own mind was how he'd missed so many opportunities. Hell, they'd had over 100 years!! How she deserved to know, even if she may not reciprocate the feelings, even if her only response was to blush and smack him with her sandal, or something even larger and more dangerous.

But, he never had. And as he looked at her, and the light leaving her eyes, and knowing that below there was nothing but blood seeping. She was losing blood...so fast...so fast that it wasn't going to matter how long it took Ichigo to get here, because it would be too late.

Maybe Orihime could still help...maybe....maybe not. He didn't really know or understand her powers, but Hacchi seemed to understand the extent of them far better than anyone else. That would make sense, they had very similar abilities. But, oh God...the damage...

But, if Hacchi believed that Orihime could save Hiyori, then Shinji would believe it, too. He had to. And he had to believe that Ichigo would get here with help in time. Preferably with Orihime. But, either way, he had to believe that Hiyori would survive, one way or another. Because, it was too much to bear right now to think that she wouldn't. Too much to bear without going crazy, anyway.

He wanted to kiss her, but he knew he couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to her. It wouldn't be right. How could he do that to her just before she passed? He didn't want her soul burdened. Shinji wasn't entirely sure what would happen to her if she died. Would she be reincarnated as some souls were? Or would she become spirit particles even here? It was hard to tell. He hoped rebirth was possible for her. She deserved a fresh chance to find happiness.

He wondered if she was even able to notice his tears. She looked like she didn't recognize what she was looking at, although he knew she was alive. For the moment.

He could hear Aizen goading him, taunting him. Normally, Shinji would ignore this. But, after what happened to Hiyori...he could just let that slide, could he?? Hell fucking no!

“...Hacchi.”

“Yes?” Hacchi asked, walking toward Shinji once more.

“Sorry, I know you only have one arm, but please take care of Hiyori.” He said, as he gently, very gently, laid her down and got up, turning toward Aizen.

He took a moment to look over his shoulder, though, for a moment. “At least keep her safe...until Ichigo returns.”

The truth was, Shinji expected this to either be a very long battle between himself and the man that had caused all of this trouble, or a very short one. And either way, he fully understood that he might die in this battle. But, he could not give up the hope that Ichigo could come with help that could and would save Hiyori's life.

“...I will.” was Hacchi's answer, knowing how important this was to Shinji. And Hiyori was a good friend to himself and the rest of them as well. He really would protect her with everything he had, even his life.

Shinji waited only long enough to hear Hacchi's reply, even though he knew what it would be, before he turned completely and used shunpo to stand in front of Aizen. He wouldn't let Aizen get away with what he'd done. All of this was Aizen's fault. It didn't matter who did the deed, Aizen was the one that set everything in motion. And if he survived this battle with Aizen, he would gleefully go after Ichimaru Gin and his damned Shinsou...

He loved Hiyori more than anyone would probably ever know. And he wasn't going to let Aizen or anyone else get away with hurting, disfiguring or outright killing the woman that he loved.

Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned? Ha! Hell hath no fury like Hirako Shinji who just lost his woman.


End file.
